Sensitive or Insecure? Raise Emotionally Resilient Children
Article provided by ICPA, Inc. | By Naomi Aldort
“My child is very sensitive,” said Melba. “I make every effort to protect him from insults, from being excluded, and from other uncaring behaviors. I worry, though: It seems he is becoming even more sensitive and less able to make friends. How can I help him to handle life without falling apart emotionally?”
Our culture values emotional protection over emotional resilience. This so-called “sensitivity” is a learned response —the result of well-intended parenting and social concepts of overprotecting the child from human experiences. For this conversation, I would like to introduce a different view of sensitivity. In my experience, a sensitive human being is one who is aware of the emotions of other humans, animals, and all living beings. It is a person who is likely to have empathy, treats animals gently, and prefers gentle music and artistic expressions.
It takes confidence to be able to be truly sensitive because it requires that one is not worried about themselves and therefore able to be aware of others’ feelings and experiences even when the expression is harsh.
Young children are self-centered, but not concerned about self-image until we train them to be. Feeling insulted isn’t sensitivity; rather, it is perhaps a manifestation of insecurity arising from dependency on approval. Rather than worry about any blows to the child’s self-image, our goal is to nurture his tender and compassionate nature, as well as grow this muscle ourselves. To nurture such an authentic compassion means to empower emotional resilience that is not shattered by personal offense. While powerful people are not easily offended, they are often tender and empathetic.